Bob Dylan Had a Way With Words

I have not written a damn word in so long and honestly that kind of depresses me. When I first started this blog, writing seemed so easy. I wrote about anything, everything from media reviews to details of my life. It was easy because it was comfortable. Now, I feel like I can’t write unless something spectacular will result from it, and since I can’t seem to accept anything I write as good enough, I simply do not write. I am limited to the limitations I have limited myself to.

That is probably only part of the reason for the drought. I am also mildly depressesed, yet depressed is hardly the word I’m looking for. Depression just seems so dark, and i don’t think I’m there yet. As Bob Dylan once said, “it’s not dark yet, but it’s gettin’ there.” I am not sad all of the time; in fact, I would say I am usually more or less content. However, there seems to always be this underlayer that tilts everything just a little off kilter. The best way I can explain is that I always feel that something is wrong or going to be, and I don’t know how to fix it or what it is for that matter: an unidentified problem that has no solution.

I’m sure a great deal of this could be contributed to the position I am currently at in my life. I have some personal issues going on that I am not going to disclose until I feel I am ready. Although that might be the source of much of this unrest, I know that it is not all of it. I have felt this way long before now.

I think what I need is to just get away. I feel so confined by my location, by my emotions, and by my thoughts. People just seem to make me sad, and I can’t understand it. When I meet new people, it just makes me sad. I am so insecure that when around people, I know I am a bother, a nuisance, or just a waste of time. There was one person that made me feel like I was time well spent, but maybe I wasn’t timeless. Maybe I was just time that obstructed the way.

Sure, I have my friends. But while they often talk about how much they rely on our group, I am not sure I can rely on them anymore. They will certainly tell me the flat out truth, but everything is not as simple as true and false, black and white. There are shades of gray, and I think I happen to live in one. I don’t need someone to tell me what I ought to do or should have done. I don’t need to know where I went wrong or how to fix it. I just want to sort it out myself without any input whatsoever. Unfortunately, I don’t think my friends can allow me to do that. I have distanced myself from them, and that might have been a mistake. Nevertheless, it feels like all we do now is try to prove how ineffective we all are at running our own lives. I don’t need that, not right now.

So that is where I am at, where I have been, and where I’m going to be for what looks like a while. “It’s not dark yet but it’s gettin’ there.”

To Whom It May Concern:

So I end my silence just for you. I truly do hope you enjoy every little bit of it as I am sure you will. It is a shame really. I thought that silence would be the best way to deal with this reoccurring situation of ours but apparently you just do not know how to quit. Therefore, I am here to repeat myself again and maybe add a little bit more with the most likely futile hope that you will get the point.

I will begin by defending myself. I will save everyone the trouble of  reading the backstory again and just explain my side of the situation. I went to Jamaal’s to clean his room and shoot the shit. After being there for awhile, Jamaal tells me that Cody is taking off the afternoon to come hook up the amp. Alright I am going to stop the progression of events to add a few things. One, Cody took off work based on the assumption that I would be there all day and that I did not have other shit planned for the day. Maybe it would have been smart to see what I had on my schedule before just expecting me to hang around all afternoon waiting on an amp to hook up. Moving on to my next point, I left at three because that is what I had planned to do. Jamaal knew that I left at three everyday, so if he expected me to stay longer than that, he is a fool. Furthermore, it is not as if I had much choice in staying as long as I wanted or going back after I had left seeing as I did not have a car to drive. I hit a fucking deer and was out of transportation, so I was depending on other people for transportation. Was I just supposed to tell Ashley to take me to Jamaal’s and hang out for a good couple hours while I help hook up a fucking receiver? It seems awfully rude to make someone drive me to Jamaal’s and then make them sit there bored and uncomfortable for hours especially to do something that could fucking wait. It is not as if Jamaal was being tortured by having to use standard television for a few more days. For Christ’s sake, Cody made it sound like I kept a drink just out of the reach of a thirsty Jamaal. He wasn’t going to die. If you wanted me to help with the amp, you should have checked with me to see if it was good day/time Cody.  Of course, Cody had to bitch about me going to get my books as well because he is a moron sometimes. I was never told that Jamaal expected me to finish hooking it up the next day, and my books for college are just a little more important so fuck off.

Next, I cannot believe that you would even suggest that I take advantage of Jamaal. The only reason you know Jamaal is because Drew and I are so close to him so don’t go acting like I don’t do shit for him. I am always the one who cleans his room, I have babysat the children, and when Dinah was with Grandma in the hospitable, I would go get him food. I have done as much for Jamaal as he would let me do. You can say whatever you want about me but leave Jamaal the hell out of it. You apparently have no idea how close I am to Jamaal. I spend most of my time over there just talking to him. I hardly ever play games anymore because believe it or not I am there to spend my time with Jamaal, not some fucking electronics. You are an asshole for suggesting something so untrue, and what is worse is you know that I don’t take advantage of Jamaal. However, you just couldn’t help yourself because you knew that would get my blood boiling. Well, it did you fucking dick. If you want to make a good argument, at least be fucking factual.

Lastly, instead of worrying about my fucking character, why don’t you take a good long look at your own. What is your problem with Ashley and I? Ever since Kait broke up with you, you have constantly found reasons to bitch about us. You sit up there in your ivory tower judging the way people live their lives as if your life is a real grand one. Well, hate to tell you but I have someone who still loves me, so I must be doing something right. I just want you to tell me what the problem is. I refuse to believe that all this is simply about me not helping you hook up an amp. What is the issue? Really, I want to know. I have worried and stressed over why you always give me a cold shoulder when it comes to Ashley. I would literally try not to talk about her with you around sometimes because you acted like you didn’t care or didn’t want to listen. Yet, you claim that it is ridiculous to think that you hate her and even say that you have accommodated her. How have you ever accommodated her? You complain about our “schmoopiness” and you say I have my head up her ass. Which one of those is accommodating of her? Maybe I am crazy for thinking that a good friend would be supportive of our good relationship. Instead, I have a friend who is praying for the day we crash and burn just so he can say “I told ya so!”. Do you not see that you are pushing people away by being so bitter? Not only me, I am talking about Garic as well. He really seems torn up about the fact that you never talk to him, yet you don’t mind telling him how to live his life. How much more do you really know about the world than the rest of us? What because you fucked up your chance at love, you have the right to tell everyone else how to live? I just do not understand it. Why would want your best friend to have his heart broken just for the sake of being right? That is just downright vain and selfish. I know I spend most of time with Ashley but that doesn’t mean that she is the only person I care about. I care about my parents, you, Jamaal, my brother, my grandpa, and the list goes on. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t put up with the shit you constantly give me. The amp thing is just not as big of a deal as you are making, so I have to believe there is some underlying problem. So what is it?

P.S. Cody, thanks for subscribing to my blog lol. Your support is much appreciated.

Rhythm and Rhyme

Excuse my complete lack of posting, but I really have not had the time. I am enrolled in an short term (eight week) English composition class that requires a shit ton of writing so the last thing I want to do is write some more in the litte free time I have. Therefore, I have been spending those sacred free minutes playing my guitar and writing a few songs and poems. And it just so happens that this post is solely for the purpose of sharing those songs and poems (Actually, it wasn’t coincidence at all). Thus, I give you my most recent works:

Awake (poem)

Sun rays, awake

Shake away sleep

Focus, concentrate

Where am I?

What have I done?

Who am I with?

Where have I gone?

I am no where.

I am no one.

I am lonely.

And nothing is done.

I am alone.

I am young.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I Care (song)

I’m sorry I’m late

I’m sorry you had to wait

I’m sorry I’m not there

But I do care

/

I’m sorry I don’t play

I’m sorry I seem away

I’m sorry I don’t share

But I do care

/

I’m sorry I don’t know

I’m sorry I had to go

I’m sorry it’s not fair

But I do care

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Desire (poem)

Let me swim in your ocean

Dance on your velvet cloud

And sway to the motions

Of your sweet gentle sounds

/

I wanna smell your life

Breathe inside your future

Swiftly, steal you tonight

And feel you warm and pure

/

I cry with each movement

Desire every smile

My passion can’t be bent

Lust can’t accept denial

/

Don’t you recall that night

When we were introduced

You were a devine sight

And my mind, you seduced

/

You seduced every nerve

So much more to reveal

So much more I deserve

So much more I must feel

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A Friend Will Appear (song)

You try to tell me where you been

What you have seen

But I see the phantom tears

And hear the silent screams

It’s all in your eyes, my dear

All the bottled pain and fear

Trust me, come near

A friend will appear

/

Indeed, the times, they been tough

And the worn road is rough

Don’t worry, honey, I see it clear

That you have had enough

It’s all in your eyes, my dear

All the bottled paon and fear

Trust me, come near

A friend will appear

/

No, I don’t know what life you’ve led

But I now you look near dead

So come on inside here

And I’ll provide a place for your head

It’s all in your eyes, my dear

All the bottled pain and fear

Trust me, come near

A friend will appear

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

One Last Dream (poem)

I’ve been living in my brain too long

That will all change come midnight

The moon will sing the poet’s song

And my soul will again take flight

It is my only true escape

The one thing men cannot rape

/

Oh, this wretched, vile, society

How they make me curse, moan, and groan

They’ll be happy when I’m on my knees

All I wish is to be alone

So take me moon, I must go

Lift me with your transclucent glow

/

The air’s matted in a filmy glaze

A nightingale whistles a calm tune

And I dance and rhyme in the haze

As I gaze at the gentle moon

At last, I was able to feel

I shivered from the anxious chill

/

The wind floats and tickles my skin

Sun flowers reach the horizon

Its like no place I’ve ever been

I couldn’t help it, I had to run

Something happened inside of me

And I ran through the fields and trees

/

I fell in a field of posies

Stars danced joyfully in the sky

I began to feel very drowsy

Slowly, I silenced my tired eyes

“Thank you, moon,” my mouth softly spoke

And I never again awoke

Song, Poem, and a Few Complaints

Music has seduced me and become my second love. I think we all know who my first is, so I don’t feel the need to go in to that. The guitar is now my main hobby with piano and harmonic taking up the two and three spots. Not to mention, I listen to music while doing homework. Basically, music takes up the majority of my waking hours. The guitar is progressing fairly well. I still have too much homework to really delve deeply into it, and I left it along with my harmonica at Ashley’s house this weekend leaving me quite annoyed. I have written another song that began with me just singing words that sounded good and rhymed but slowly turned into a song with a meaning. In addition, it uses the most chords out of the three songs I have written. I thought about writing the meaning of the song on here, but I think I will refrain from doing so. Songs don’t really have much point if you explain the meaning of them either before or after. Half the enjoyment of music and song is figuring out the message/point/whatever. So without further ado, I present to you, my beloved audience, “You Gave It All Away” — an Allen Johnson original.

I saw you laughing,

And I saw you smile.

I guess your no longer hiding.

I guess I’ll stay awhile.

Cause you gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

I guess I’m here to stay.

I saw you crying.

I saw the tears run from your cheeks.

I know you’re no longer lying.

I guess you found what you seek.

Cause you gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

I guess I’m here to stay.

I read it in a journal.

I read just what you wrote.

The ink was black but beautiful.

I love that simple note

When you gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

You gave it all away.

I guess I’m here to stay.

Next, on the agenda according to my cleverly thought out title is my poem. I wrote it on my phone before my theater appreciation class started. I think it starts out pretty cliche’; in fact, the whole poem is fairly cliche’. When I read it, I always here the melody of Bob Dylan’s “Everything is Broken,” and I end up singing it in my head that way. Anyway, I enjoyed writing it and hope that you will enjoy reading it. Thus, I present “Silence” — another Allen Johnson original.

Silent walls

Silent dreams

Silent calls

With silent screams

Silent thoughts

Silent lungs

Silent shots

From silent guns

Silent shocks

Silent tremors

Silent knocks

And Silent shivers

Silent hopes

Silent nods

Silent popes

For Silent Gods

According to my title/outline, I suppose I am supposed to complain so here goes nothing. I don’t like teenagers. I think they are self-induced, pretentious, ignorant fuck heads. They only believe in what their parents tell them unless it has to do with their exercising in anything illegal or socially unacceptable. It their parents think God exists, well, so do they. If their parents think alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or sex are wrong, well, then it only makes sense to make each one of those a part of their life. Ignorance is key to them. Preferring to know less rather than more for the fear that knowledge will prove  that their lifestyle makes no sense. They claim life is challenging, but the only problem they possess is their hormones — a bodily function that causes them to panic over trivial issues such as what she said, he said, they said, or we said — that lead them to make irrational decisions concerning the most insignificant circumstances. They remain this way until they graduate from college and realize that the world becomes less forgiving with age. Although many fondly remember their ignorant times, claiming that they were naive and free. What they fail to realize is that their “freedom” was nothing more than confinement from seeing the larger picture. Is ignorance bliss? No, ignorance is the denial of  the responsibility to live by reason. By living in ignorance you are allowing disgusting, vile habits to rage out of control; it is not the proper way to live. The teenage years is the most deceiving phase of maturation and has so much persuasion that many people never proceed any further. If we could all skip this period of our lives, the world would be much better off.

That will do it for me. I hope you enjoyed at least one part of this post. I had planned on complaining in more detail about teenagers, but I think this short paragraph says all that needs to be said. It might not be as controversial as some people hoped, but it is the truth. And you can’t argue with that.

The Collegiate Lifestyle

That’s right, if you can’t tell by my title, I am now a college student. Obviously, that means bear kegs, pot, Xbox 360, and a whole lotta fucking. Whoa, yeah! At least, that is how “collegiate lifestyle” is generally described. However, mine is  the glaring opposite of that. It runs more along the lines of class, study, guitar, phone call, sleep, and repeat. Mix in lunch and supper, of course, and you have my daily routine. I know, it is about as exciting as watching beige paint dry on a rock but it really isn’t all that bad. Really, it isn’t.

The problem I have with my “collegiate lifestyle” is the complete lack of friends. I literally do not have one person that I know and like at this campus. That sounds worse than it is because I only actually know one person but he is a douche. For one, he plays baseball. I’m not trying to throw out any stereotypes or make general statements about all baseball players but the players I have heard about are either not very smart, an asshole, or a deadly combination of the two. The one I am referring to is just an asshole. What is funny about this situation though, is that we used to best friends way back at the beginning of elementary school. We were practically born into friendship since we are the same age and were neighbors up until around sixth grade. Around fourth was when I started to realize that this guy is a dick and our friendship slowly began to dissolve into nothing. We do say “hey” to one another in passing but that is more for nostalgia reasons. The point being that I have no friends so I am a tiny bit lonely.  It really isn’t bad though because I have zero distractions from studying and it turns out that an eight-week English comp. 1 course is a bit of a work load. That is not even mentioning the Western Lit. class that requires an ass-load of reading over the semester.

There are some pretty kick ass positives to college though. For instance, you spend way less time in the classroom in college compared to high school. That gives me free time to do the activities I really enjoy like watching Stewart and Colbert while eating Raman noodles. Raman noodles have turned out to be the only thing I have in common with the rest of the students here. Another, is drive up to Wal-Mart to buy a printer on the third day of class because you realize that it might not be a bad idea to have one since you will have to print out homework. I even had time for set up, installation, and use. The most beneficial activity I do is play the guitar. I am getting better much faster on the everyday program rather than the once a week and a half program. In fact, I have actually written two songs with music. One I actually wrote before moving up here but it still shows my progress. What I am going to do now is type out the most recent one for your viewing pleasure. The title for this diddy is “Why Does It Matter”, an Allen Johnson original. Sorry, you have to see it twice, Cody.

First Verse

I looked at the sky today

And Dreamed of sorrows gone.

I tried to hold on fast

I wanted to remember this one

But I know dreams never last.

Chorus

Why does it matter?

Life’s never fair.

The world’s a fucking disaster

So why, oh why, does it matter?

Second Verse

I was bored today

So I sang a song

Just so I could hide.

They all sang along

Not knowing what’s inside.

Chorus

Third Verse

I was hungry yesterday

So I tried to cook.

It didn’t go over well.

I knew it wouldn’t work.

In fact, I burned the place to hell.

Chorus

Well, that is it. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn’t then I guess I suck and you know everything about music you fucking snob. That will be all for me tonight. I have a much more entertaining and controversial topic to blog about in the old noggin but I wanted to do this first. If it isn’t next then it will be the next one…or the next one. I will get to it when I feel like it. Fuck.

Back to Basics

As I slowly transition further and further away from blogging, my posts have changed in there basic outline quite a bit. I used to write reviews for movies, books, games, etc. but now I only bitch about life or self reflect. This post, however, will not be about my love life, Cody’s love life, or any other facet of my life. This go around I will blog about more informational and probably entertaining topics.

First off, a book review. I have recently began reading more non-fiction but only biographies about rock stars. I’m trying to keep my non-fiction simple. Anyway, I just finished Slash and it was very entertaining. I don’t feel that I need to explain who it is about since the title is self-explainitory. Although, I have never been a big Guns N’ Roses fan I still found Slash to be an interesting character. How could I not? He is easily one of the coolest looking dudes ever. His life was fairly cliche as far as rock stars go. Although, his parents and their friends were not cliche at all. Nonetheless, it was interesting to read about how dysfunctional the band was, especially Axl. The only dissapointment that came out of the book was that I thought it was written more recently. I am a big Velvet Revolver fan so I was anticipating reading about that. When Vevet Revolver didn’t show up until the last thirty pages or so I was pretty disspointed. He barely scratched the surface on the band because they had just finished the second album when he wrote the book. I thought I would be able to read more about Weiland being a trainwreck. Since the band was still together when the book was publish, there was few words written about Weiland and all were nice. All in all, the book was really entertaining but would have been even more so if I was a bigger fan of GNR instead of Velvet Revolver.

Speaking of Scott Weiland, I bought the new Stone Temple Pilots album about three or four weeks ago. I was hooked from the get go. They have a slightly different sound but not enough for it to not be unrecognizable. The main single on the album is “Between the Lines” which seems to be about Weiland loving his wife more than he ever did the drugs. That is a pretty safe assumption since the chorus reads, “You always were my favorite drug. / Even when we used to take drugs.” Yes, those lyrics do sound a little stupid but the rest of them are much better, I assure you. Plus, the music does a good job distracting you from that part of the chorus. The other single is “Take A Load Off” and it is just a very good rock song. No complaints on that one. My favorite song is “Hickory Dichotomy” which is defiantly a slightly different style from the old STP, but I think it sounds super cool and the lyrics are interesting. Although, I haven’t a fucking clue what the lyrics mean. Backtracking to Slash for a second, in the book he states that Weiland has a voice similar to three artists: John Lennon, Jim Morrison, and David Bowie. Lennon and the Bowie come out bright and clear on the new tracks, especially Lennon. Scott sounds almost exactly like Lennon on the song “Dare if You Dare”. In conclusion, every single song is enjoyable. In fact, there was only one on the whole album that I thought was just meh. Obviously, this is all my opinion and unless you know me then you have no reason to accept my thoughts as a legitimate review. That is fine if you don’t but you should at least give it a chance if you like alternative hard rock.

There we are, a post that has nothing to do with the drama of my life. That was a nice breath of fresh air. Maybe I will blog more often if I start staggering the reviews in with all the drama. Once again, I have no idea when I will be back. I am still in shock that I blogged twice in the same week.

Another Once in a Blue Moon Post

I am back here on WordPress once again to make my once in a blue moon blog post because I am terribly bored as I wait for Ashley to get off of work. I haven’t done a damn thing since she left for work besides watch Sean of the Dead on my computer and browse the web. It’s one of those days so far. I haven’t even brushed my teeth which is kind of gross, but I would have to go all the way upstairs to accomplish that sort of goal. Needless to say, I’m not up for the treck to the top of the stairs so fuck it. Anyway, I don’t really have much to talk about so I’ll just randomly sort through some of the past as I think it all up.

I haven’t been practicing the guitar as much as I would like to, which is every day. Instead, I only play it like once a week if I am lucky. Thus, it is not very shocking at all that I haven’t gotten much better. I’m still working on it though and I will have plenty of time on my hands when I move off to Chanute for my higher learning. Then I should be able to practice extensively at least five out of the seven days in a week. That should speed up the improvement process I would think.

While that is all dandy and shit, I am still not sure I am ready to head off to college for a few reasons. First off, I don’t know when I’m supposed to get my books or where my classes are located on the campus. When the hell are you supposed to get your books to go to college? Do you have to set an appointment or do you just show up and ask “where’s my shit”? Although, Brenda (Ashley’s mom) is also going to Neosho County for a medical assistant degree or some shit and we start school on the same day, which is kinda fuckin weird, and I bet I could probably go with her when she gets her books and looks around campus. I think that last sentence might be a run-on sentence or grammatically incorrect.

The second reason I don’t really want to go off to receive more education is that I’m going to have to leave everybody I know to go to a place where I won’t know anyone. I suppose I might occasionally see Brenda but that does not really help. Sure, I am going to come back home on the weekends, but I can’t spend time with everybody in the span of a weekend. I especially will see less of Cody, Drew, and Jamaal. I will spend most of my time with Ashley because she will need me more. Honestly, I will need her just as much. The problem, however, is that I already feel like it annoys the three mentioned above that I spend so much time with her and not them. Oh well, I am sure it will all sort itself out in the end. Even if I do figure it all out, I’ll still have to make at least one friend while at college and that sounds like way to much work. I’ll probably just be a loner.

In other news, Cody found out from his ex, the one that broke his heart, that basically the reason they broke up is now moot. Not only that, but she didn’t hint that she wanted him back or if she even considered the idea that might get back together. I think it all seems kind of fucked up to break up with someone, leave them heartbroken, and then tell them that the reason they left doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not an expert but that kind of behavior seems like it could be destructive. I’m sure Kait has her reasons for doing what she did but I can’t wrap my mind around it all. I don’t think that she was completely honest about why she left Cody in the first place. Yeah, they did seem to be moving seperate ways but she could have at least tried to make it work before she cut and run. I just feel like there had to be some other motive for the split. If she is not going to give Cody another chance then I wish she would tell him that, because Cody is one confused motherfucker right about now. He needs the door to either be closed or open, but not any of this half open/shut bullshit. In other words, give the man some fuckin closure. I just find it rude to leave somone wondering and hoping for no reason. On the other hand, if she does want him back then hint at it. Cody isn’t confident enough to make a move. He is way to scared that he is going to come out looking like an ass and I don’t blame him, because I would do the same damn thing. I don’t want anybody to get me wrong. I think Kait is a good person and I don’t think she is intentionally trying to confuse or hurt Cody. I am just half-hazardly throwing some of my opinions out there.

Well, that will do it for me. Ashley is back and she brought me a surprise. The anticipation is overwhelming me so I must call it quits for now. I will back when I damn well please.

Some Personal Criticism

The biggest problem with not blogging for a long time is when you try to do it again you don’t have a clue how to start the post off. I am staring that problem in the face right now. My plan is to just point that fact out and use it as my introduction, so there you are. This is the prelude to a very past due post. Now, I suppose I could have just thrown you right into the meat of the post but that would have been a bit too intense. As you may have gathered from the title, I am dedicating this entire post to critiquing (that is fuck of a word to spell) the way I have acted over the past several months. Let me tell you, it is a bit of a cluster fuck of good and bad. Now, to the self reflecting.

First, we will begin with the good but only because it sets me up better for the bad. Over the past year I have fallen crazy in love with the most wonderful girl in the world. Obviously, that is just my opinion but I really do love her a lot. Anyway, after I fell in love with her it had quite an impact on my life. I noticed that I started acting differently and much of the differences were good. Once, you feel love (besides from your parents) it changes the way you see many things. I started looking towards the future instead of just the present. All of those people who say, “forget the future, just live in the present” are wrong. If you don’t look towards the future then you have nothing to look forward to. What are you living for if there is nothing to look forward to. I’m not going to lie and say that before I fell in love with Ashley that I was miserable. I was happy for most of the time but when I look back I really don’t know what I was trying to accomplish in life. There just didn’t seem to be any meaning to anything. It was like everyday was just another step closer to nothing. I just didn’t feel like there was much reason for me. Then I fell in love and it seemed like for the first time my life had meaning. It is difficult to explain because it is a personal feeling that I had. I’m sure there are people out there that have never fallen in love and are completely content with their lives. I’m not trying to say that if you never fall in love then your life is pointless, or that there is nothing to look forward to and you should jump off a bridge. For me though, it woke me up to the best aspects of life. I have experienced the happiest moments in my life while falling in love. I mean an unreal level of happiness, so much that before then I had not known it was even possible to be that happy. It sounds like I’m trying to explain life, the universe, and everything and that isn’t what I am going after. The point of all this was just to say that falling in love put my life in much better focus. I have a better idea of what I want to achieve before I die and I am willing to try to accomplish those goals. Sorry, if it comes off as confusing or a bunch of over analyzed bullshit. I know exactly what I mean but I don’t know how to express it in words.

Now, the real shitty stuff. As I said, falling in love has been great but it has also fogged my vision to some bad decisions that I have made. I became so wrapped up in Ashley and I that I forgot about the rest of my family and friends, especially Cody. God, I really hope this doesn’t sound gay. I don’t think I was there for you enough when Kait broke up with you. I know you took a hard hit that changed your perspective on many things. When you started blogging about how love fucked you over I was kind of a dick. Now, I’m not saying that I agree with you on everything you said. I don’t believe that love was created (by whatever creator you desire) to hurt people in the end. My error was to call you out on what I thought was wrong. Obviously, you were hurting so I’m sure you didn’t need me telling you why everything happened the way it did and that you are wrong to assume that love swiped the rug underneath you. I was so caught up in trying to prove I’m happy which is stupid because I shouldn’t need to prove that to anyone. I just had a hard time listening to you and Jamaal say that love was bullshit. I mean here I am happier than a pig in shit to be in love and I am hearing you tell me that it was all for nothing in the end. I suppose that I just wanted to prove to you that everyone doesn’t end up getting fucked over. I think I just needed to reaffirm that I was going to be okay. Another part of me wanted to convince that you could still be happy. I thought that if you gave up on love then you would never get out of your self-loathing funk. I admit that I took the wrong approach in trying to help you. In fact, I chose the worst possible approach on the table and then ran with it until there wasn’t any more running left to do. The truth is that you can believe whatever the fuck you want to believe, but you already know that. It’s not my place to tell you how to theorize life, love, or whatever. Now, I can argue with you all the fuck I want but I shouldn’t have done it when you were most vulnerable. For that, I am sorry. I also apologize if this came of  little bit gay in any way.

There you are Cody, a one thousand plus word post for you to chew on. I hope you enjoy reading it because writing it was kind of a pain in the ass. Explaining how love changed my life was like trying to explain quantum physics to a half-retarded monkey with an attention deficit disorder. I still feel like I haven’t explained it very well. Whatever, it is all done with. I’ll post again whenever.

In Response to a Disgruntled Monkey

As most of you may already know, I have a monkey working for me doing blog posts in the effort to try and impress me. Recently, he has not liked this position. I fear. I really think that he doesn’t realize how grateful I am to even give him this position of high prestige. Then again, how do you expect a stupid monkey to realize something like that anyway. He is just supposed to dance and type. What happened is he decided to direct some colorful language toward me and basically be very rude all around. To say the least, I was absolutely appalled at this monkey’s actions. I give him such wonderful opportunities, and he chooses to take all the credit while insulting me in the process. Thus, I am writing this post to explain to this monkey where his place is in the world and the importance of him staying in that place.

No, I am just pulling your leg here people. This is actually a very light hearted post, and any talking about monkeys will not be used to insult anyone. If the word will be used at all, it will most likely be used to describe a real monkey. That; however, is highly unlikely considering that I have no reason what so ever to talk about a real monkey. Therefore, you can safely assume that monkeys will not be talked about in this post; other than this paragraph which is coincidentally dedicated to me talking about monkeys. Now that I feel the urge to talk about monkeys is out of my system, we can move on to a more important topic.

I bet you are all wondering what the more important topic is, huh? To relieve the suspense, I suppose, I will tell you. My senior year, while it will be easy, may not be very much fun. I have three really good friends in my life who I can talk about anything with and who have similar interests with me, more or less. Well, these people are Cody (best friend/monkey), Jamaal (cousin), and Ashley (girlfriend). Cody has graduated and Jamaal is much too old to go to high school. So, if you are slow and couldn’t figure this out, my problem is that I have no one to talk to about topics that I would be interested in talking about. Now, I know what your next question is. Why don’t you just talk to your girlfriend? My God, you certainly are a critical thinker. That really is a grand and intelligently thought up question. The answer; however, does not help my situation at all. I barely see Ashley during my school day. She is two grades below me, so we have zero classes together. Not only that, but our lockers are so far away from each other that we hardly get to see each other during passing periods. This, my kind readers, sucks. Without any of my three good friends I find myself with nothing to talk to anyone about. They are the only people who really understand my personality. I am a very weird and strange person with weird and strange hobbies, in comparison with your average teenage boy. With no ability to carry on an interesting conversation, my school days have become extremely boring. That, readers, is my predicament. Since there is no solution to this problem, I will sum this paragraph up with hope for a future with more interesting conversations.

I know that many of you readers out there were rolling your eyes through the entirety of the last paragraph. Which, I am sure, made the paragraph much harder to read. I don’t feel at all sorry for you though. You shouldn’t do such rude gestures as rolling your eyes. I feel that I had a legitimate reason to complain, so I did just that. I know you people grow tired of hearing about how much I love Ashley and that I enjoy spending large amounts of time with her. You may also feel that my complaint was pointless and of little importance. To both of these thoughts I say that I don’t care about them. This is my blog. That gives me the right to talk about whatever topic that I deem important. Your opinions don’t really have any effect on what I type. However, do not read this paragraph in the wrong meaning. I am not shying away any opinions that my readers may want to share. By all means share your feelings on how stupid you think my lovey dovey posts are or how much they make you sick. That is your right, and I promote expression of personal opinion. My point is that there is a designated location for your opinions; just as there is a designated location for mine. Mine is the blog itself. Yours is the comment page. I will type about my lovey dovey feelings on the blog. Then you can type all your contradicting, insulting, or maybe even praising opinions as a comment. That way we are all in our designated area and happy. If you feel like you are an extra opinionated fellow, then you could even start your own blog, where you only post about how stupid my lovey dovey feelings are. Better yet, you could start a blog that has the sole purpose of praising me. I would be more likely to read the second one. In conclusion, I am done typing. I bid you farewell readers.

Blog Fest 09!

You may see the title to this post and wonder what Blog Fest 09 is. You may also see the title and not care at all what it means or just assume the title holds no importance at all. Well to end your couriosity, or lack there of, I will inform you on what Blog Fest 09 is and if it holds any importance at all. Blog Fest 09 is a small group of one, me, that puts out many blogs, three, in a short amount of time. So basically, what I’m saying is that Blog Fest 09 has been going on for about a week and a half now. These past three blogs I have posted are Blog Fest 09. That is all it is. I was just excited that I am back to a semi-regular blogging pattern. You people aren’t excited for me? No? That just sucks ass and takes the fun out of Blog Fest 09. You people are kill joys; every single one of you.

Ending the intro and moving on to the beef of the post – beef of the post meaning the actual point of my typing. I am now a senior in high school. I have been in school two days, and I have realized something very important about the year to come. My classes are going to be super easy. The only three challenging classes I have are English 12, government, and college algebra. However, I enjoy government and love English, so in all reality I only have one class that I will not enjoy, college algebra. To make the year even better, college algebra isn’t really that hard. That really means quite a bit coming from a man who almost failed pre-calculus. The other classes are all easy breasy. I believe I have a guitar/piano class, journalism, photography, and video productions. Therefore, I should enjoy my senior year, hopefully. In conclusion to this paragraph, I would like to apologize for any readers who may have found it boring. I am sorry, but I needed a topic to talk about and this made a decently sized paragraph. So, I would not be at all offended if you skimmed your way through this. I thank you for you cooperation.

Finishing with the happy reading and moving on to the ranting. Every year I come back to high school I am reminded of how stupid the majority of students are. During the summer you tend to forget how annoying and frustrating these imbecils are. This forgetfulness makes perfect sense, because normal people do not like to think of other annoying and frustrating people. Anyway, I walk into my first day school. What do I see? I see the same shit I have been seeing the last three years. The snobby girls who think they shit roses, the douche bag jocks who’s majority of conversation revolves around sports and pussy, and the egotistical troublemakers who don’t know what the hell egotistical means. The first two groups are not even close to as bothersome as the last one. They may be snobby or douche bags but at the least they have some, not reasonable, tolerable excuses. The snobby girls are usually financially well off and have heard mommy and daddy tell them they are the cutest and smartest girl ever. Therefore, you can’t blame them for thinking that way. The parents are to blame. They confuse them into thinking that everyone feels they are cute and smart while in reality only they, the parents, feel that way. The douche bag jocks, at my school, are not stupid by any means. They just have a skewed view on what life is all about. They are under the common impression that high school is all about getting laid and sports, an impression I hate. That still is only mildly annoying in comparison with the egotistical troublemakers. These people are just so (fill in any explicit adjective of your choice). What is so glorifying about being an alcoholic and petty thief? I really don’t understand this way of thinking. Why would any one want to brag about how drunk they have been or what items they have stolen? I don’t know. This whole idea really is beyond me. If I was not subjected to this behavior everyday, then I would just ignore it and be happy. Unfortunately, I am subjected to it, and I will have to deal with it accordingly – by accordingly I mean that I will do my best to ignore it and occasionally sigh or scoff at them. I deal with these minor issues in a very simple way; it makes my life much easier.

To my frustration, I have to admit that I did not hit the thousand words mark – barely missed it. That is upsetting; it truly is a tragedy. I did; however, stay away from the rant of my previous two posts as I promised. Although, I’m sure I could have manufactured up another post to argue my point. As I said though, there is no point in argueing my point. I do want to make one statement concerning your blog though, Cody. You had a very small paragraph dedicated to your gloating on winning the arguement, how great you are, etc. etc. I just wanted to inform you that I am obviously greater than you, because I crowned you the winner. Therefore, I have more power for I am able to hand out awards that you have to work to achieve. You entertain people just to impress me. I have to say that this makes me smile. I would just like to say, “dance monkey dance.” Finally, I can end this post. I was typing like mad just so I could type “dance monkey dance” at the end of my post, and it felt as good as I thought it would. I will be back to give you people something pointless to read in due time.